'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
