so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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