chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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