I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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