WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
