theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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