I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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