I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
