It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
