glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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