Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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