Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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