You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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