Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
