youre lurking in front of me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
