Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
