why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i dont even know how to be here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
