no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
