The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
