i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
