No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
