Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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