eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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