I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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