Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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