Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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