the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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