Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
