I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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