I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
