During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
