after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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