the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
