I just found puke in my bra..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
