we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
