He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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