I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
