i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
