plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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