Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize