I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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