she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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