Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
