Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize