my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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