I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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