your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
