I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
