Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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