I just saw a hot homeless man
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
