based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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