Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Randomize
Follow @tfln