Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.