an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it