he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia