Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY