ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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