this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
