You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
