Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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