I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sober January is a disaster.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
