This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
