its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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