After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
