I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
