It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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