Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize